Get Better

timed:3:02pm

my days get worst as the times goes
even though u all may not be viewing tis blog animore
becos of the boredom tis guy created in tis little website

everyone around me
is taking revenge on me now...
everywhere i see now..
everyone who talked to me now
every soul..who throughout mock n insulted at me..
feeling so despair..
i din wan to pick up her call last nite at 3am
i told myself..
if she call up n kan me
i will hangup
and nv contact her
but she din
abit off wad i expected

days are really bad towards exams:
- fish dead
-Internet further reduced
-mocking peeps
- anti sociality
...




i have forgotten how to smile liao...
cant bring myself to be hapi
maybe tis feeling will last for awhile only
i dun koe..
no use getting myself sad oso..
maybe i'm more of ..
angry
now at some class doing self study myself..
din wan to ask the teacher for any help...

i din koe why oso i juz feel so alone nw

for mumu :
mumu do go stay with ur mom
and take care of her
i wish her speedy recovery

for ying:
long time no catch up
duno wad is and wad was now

for mao:
31may
hapi bday to you =)

for peng:
ur going into ns soon
dun keep working enjoy urself while u can now

for yin:
if u really found ur love
and decided not to go clubbing animore
pls tell me

for yan:
if u think he's the one...
den go for it
i will when u face me
u will always zzz one
so find someone who can make u hapi and stay hapi

for myself to myself:
embrace yourself
the storm is upon us

Scattered

time: 2:09pm


so mani ppl going so mani ppl not going
to mos tonite

as usual there's always last min ppl cancel say dun wan go as usual..
she's going..
suddenly i become unhapi again..
cannot tell my reason here..
i am unhapi again..
again i am back to square 1..
tonite media will be at there..
hope to be on tv soon

tts all...


mumu jiayou for ur PROM hor
now den i regret sia..
i felt so played again...
as usual i am thinking too much..
square 1..
i'm back....

Reunion

timed:11:13pm


Today woke up @ 14:05pm
rush to the bathroom to get ready myself to
meet an old fren..
david! who was just release!
long time nv see him liao
went to the bus stop ..
saw him there..
still liek old times smiling away at me..
with a hello david i and him sit down and take about old times
when to town to walk walk...
realise he's oso has a need for girls...
but he can get girls easily..
even he can
i cant..
lol i'm not a player enuff =(

last night talked to her..
her voice got worst
its got sexier
now she's talking like a man
and occasionally a lost voice when she talks..
but its ok with me..
at least she got the heart to call me ^^
we talked awhile on boring stuff
den she talked about herself
she went through her OLD diary today..
she told me
most of her entries..
are sad..
most are quarrels of her feelings with her bf
or..should i say ex-bf..
most of her entries are sad
only 1-2 is hapi..
according to her..
and her sweetness moment with her bf
last for a small 1mth..
from there
his true colors came out..
haha..comparing him with myself..
i told her..
i endured more than him..
maybe i endured the entire relation
till i exploded =/
i koe i'm not the right man for her..
but in my heart
its saying
.........................................................
i will treat u better den him
if u gimme the chance to..
but i koe..
the chance will nv come bah
i'm not up to the
"requirement"
thrusday
thrusday i shall see her @ there
even though there its only awhile
she's not into clubbing
which is good..
but at least let me take her to the cage..
hopefully she doesnt get into trouble
or
get grind i hope
well
nth to say liao






*cheers*

Hopes

time: 6.22pm

Haiz

juz explored friendster
trying to find out something
in the end
more disappointment..
wad i want
cannot get de la..
so poor..
so fat..
there are so mani more guys..
x10
x100
x1000 bette de..
i dun stand anything
why am i giving myself so mani hopes..
haiz..
now i feel more pain as reality crashes in
going to cafe del mar soon le..
stil remembering the words said ytd..
i wasnt the right company for
-_-"
i'm bad company..
last min ...so mani ppl wan to go
in the end still cancel..
but still go..still ok bah..
hope i will enjoy del mar later..
i really wish i can get myself drunk today...
i feel so painful nw..
even though its juz a picture...
i feel so pain..
i'm juz not good enuff bah..
cant even afford my own meal..
i reeally duno wad i am good at already
other then lying to myself..

time:6.27pm
wun see her @ cafe del mar
but will see her "there" soon
with her frens..
maybe i'm asking too much liao bah..
we barely koe each other..
i'm juz too psycho..

Blessing


time:10:26AM

ytd at mos
we had so much to drink..
we had chivas..
blackwood vodka..
and martell..

we become best sales time
tts why the management reward us..
1st to get drank was the ldr..
chelle..

and following the next few ppl who went down including myself
so much to drink..
so mani problems to forget..
at least for the coming few hours..

finally able to blog..
all i can blog are sad things..

i am drunk now..
or i am hangover..according to timo...

for the past 2 days...
i see tis fat guy..
tgt with tis thin girl..
tgt..and taking the same farking bus as me..

i always try to avoid them by walking faster hoping they wun
take the bus..
but they always manage to ..
i'm so farking pissed

they always had to be in my view..
so intimate with each other..
fark them..

.......................................................................

drunken..
take cab home..
bath.. rest on sit..
wanted to finish the maths tt i have do..
4secs into the seat...
i doze off..
and wake up ..
walk to my bed..
without setting up
i lay dead there...

time:8:43am
i wake up...
cos my dad..came in ...
feelin him try to ..
let me hug my bolster..
i woke up..
and he told me ...
its 7am..
i ran to my fone..
8:43am..
the maths test...
the farking mathhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh testttttt..
i rush myself..
ask $ from dad
the next min
he koes i'm late..
he farking kan and kan me nonstop..
as usual..even the neighbours can hear..
throw my face nvm..he's so farking kpkb..
makes my farking day now so farking bad...
fark him...
"everyday play ur machine"
"everyday late for school"
"u like tt how to fight for $"
"aiya dun school liao la""everyday at home play ur machine can liao"


even i do how well..
they oso duno..
even i do how hard..
they only care about the results......

do they give a dam about me..
yeah my mom did..
my farking father.. not a chance...
if i have $ he borrows..
if he has $ he kan me for wanting $ frm him
if he and i both no $
he keep saying he's gona die n shit

after leaving the house..
i rush to the roads
time: 9am
waiting for the cab...
seems so hopelesss..
when i arrive at the pathment
hoping can get a cab ..
a cab went pass me before i can hail it..
after tt..i wait all the way till 9.15
a taxi came to my rescue..
or so i tot..
it was on call ..i tot its for me..
no its not..
its was for someone else near tt area..
9.28am..
i was so farking hopeless for a cab..
cos of the maths test n ryan's note..
i juz had to pass it to him and do the test..
i give up on waiting on tt farking pathment..
and went further up..
9:31am..
all hope is lost...
i cant do the test..
i am stil waiting for a farking cab..
i at tt time really feel..one car come.. i juz jump out and let me fly...
den from behind one cab horned me..
its was a uncle on the cab..
he said he saw me waiting since he finish off with his previous customer..
i was veri grateful..
there is still some hope in tis farking shit world
we talked awhile and
talking about how cruel singapore is..
spent so much $ on study
and take years to earn back..
some dun even can earn back..
i finally reach tis place i call school..
ran to the classroom ..
as expected..
seeing them jin howe welcoming me by waving both his hands in the air..
i koe..its all over liao.
the test..
my tutorial..
my unfinish homework..
2%..
now still abit drunk
and gastic pain..
i'm sitting here with them..
i no longer need to pass the notes to ryan..
he did a backup copy cos he couldnt trust me..
i am always late for things..
he has good judgement not to trust me..
i dissapoint so mani ppl so far..
by being late..
or being irresponsible..
but i cant die yet..
i'm single so wad..
farking couples..
i hope to nv the both of u on the streets..
dun bother to call me or wad..
juz ignore me..
act liek stranger ok..
i wan to forget the farking both of u ..
i am trying to ..
wadever i do..
the anger in my heart..
cannot be extisgulsuh
dun let me see the both of u..
when i'm drunk..
cos i duno wad i will do to the both of u..
maybe as usual i will ignore the both of u ..
dun farking try to touch me..
or do anythig funny..

u both have each other..
tts enuff..
rot in the farking world can liao..
dun spread ur disease to ppl like me..
dun even bother tagging here

i'm poor..
i am looked down on becos of my farking father..
i earn $ oso he wans to borrow..
and my mom..
bills are coming..
its gona be cut...
my fone gona be useless..
my net gona be disconnected..
my grades.. dropping down everyday..
my life..no life..
my parents..when seeing me using laptop
only say i am playing game..
isnt they right?
i am only playing games and doing nth..

i enjoy every nite with u on the fone..
except for the 2 nites tt we din talk..
though i always talk u to slp..
i like it..
hearin u always tired out with a bb..
jiu enuff le..
i hope we can have more nites on the fone soon..
i disappoint so mani ppl liao...
i dun wan to dissapoint u liao..
i cant accept failure in my life..
so i rather not try
and live with my empty hopes..
at least they can keep me going bah..

still feeling empty and emo inside...
i sign off liao

and ying i updated liao..
sorry calvin couldnt company u play bball ytd when u off..
today evening will be going for mother day dinner..
here is an early greeting

hapi mother's day
especially u mumu..
u should go back and see ur mom..
u both need each other..
juz now waiting for the cab..
i think i felt the same
hopeless-ness for the need for help..
i wanted a cab so badly i could die for it..
but din..it did came in the end..
it was late..
but wasnt too late..
there is still hope mumu
dun give up cos we are fighting the good fight now..
after u been through all tis shit..
u get to work..
i really hope u can come to sg to work..since u have ur relatives here..
but i koe..u have to start at base..
if u were to work under tt mun bitch...u must own her farking ass for urself..
she's a piece of shit..dun be like her..own her throughout

time: 11:34am
tts about all i have to say nw..
sorry if the following offend so peeps..
but i mean it so
____