timed: 1:26am
Just got back to home thanks to laurence to lend me the group's $ for cab
without him i couldnt get home at all at least till next morning
den i realise....how sucks i am
and how mani benefactors i have around me
tat saved me before:
- Shun Long ,without him i wouldnt koe how to play bball, without him i would have die at home the 2yrs my mom was gone cos he steal food gimme eat
- Peng Zhi, Without him i wouldnt know dav and the rest of the gang further prospering my social circle and at times saving me @ money crisis
- Ah Guang(cousin) ,if he nv lend me the 2k for laptop i really duno how to survive in poly though he's arrogrant and really look down on me
- Ah mei (cousin), If she nv lend me the $100 that time i would really be struck at esplande till the next day and finding jobs , organising family outings..
- Laurence, @ 1st he sucks and is unwilling to help, as the time goes by, i learn to handle business get consignments and was taught studies by him also saved me from alot of $ occassions
- Xiang , taught how to be ZAI, stay on the positive side more, getting to be more socialable, oso another $ crisis saver
- Takumi/Raymond, Learn me in the workforce tat wearing mask is nessasry, saved me from alot of high cost $ crisis , yet another victim of the heartache but already heal and ready to go from where i see it
- Weepeng, His cab service from his dad and his willingness to join me as an ambassador and enjoy all the moments(at least most of the moments tgt), Taught me brotherhood
- Mumu , probably the 1st girl that i talked online and become my 1st xiao mei mei, we learn alot of lessons from each other though alot of them came from pain and considering the fact we nv meet before, all crisis saved and rescued was only words but did deliver the action to one's self
- Weiling, Looking even brighter side, her innocent eyes which we saved taught me tat her life has alot of more chances not her her to waste but for her to review her sort of "newlife"
timed:1:45am
before i board the cab however, was damm suay,
went to the bustop, last bus gone
went to mrt last mrt gone
sms fynn , she with her frens
den laurence call me asking whether i catch the last bus,
which ended up saving me
after discussing with laurence how he will save me
- Take cab go his house he pay
i went to bridge to see anyone is around cos saw them previously going to the bridge
saw vannessa and seductive..
on war ah.. there are always victims of the war
talked to her awhile
notice tat she was unhapi with the current state now oso
seeing the thing going on
its really painful
but i will try my best to let everyone be hapi
i know..ultimately i will be the one left unhapi..cos i just did juz now..
go eat...tried to kill myself by eating alot fail attempt..
den went to mos..met up with laurence they all..
sit outside mos..slack there...
go in...with HYPE..
go in pall mall room..packed..
tried to get drinks for laurence they all....cant ..went out of stock...
gave up..saw shawnMNL notice tat he still remember me..nice guy him
nowdays clubbing for me...
i go in see the crowd..den i see myself..
its like dun blend in..i'm all alone..everyone is enjoying except me..
how to enjoy..wan to drunk..problem still there how to enjoy..
no $ to buy drink how to enjoy..sober right after drunk..
reality kick me in the balls like a baseball bat hit an egg..
being mocked, being laughed at...can say used to it liao..
my duty is to make everyone laugh i guess or do i have a duty..
is i itchy backside wan go poke in other business when ppl seem to hate me as much
all i can do is wear a mask and put on a smile nth much to do...
i feel after all this...i still am where i started bah.. i nv actually left square 1 at all
all i did was look far..i din act far
seeing how vanessa trying to rub away the tears from her eyes.. i realise..how much we both missed the past..
the times that we all really enojy tgt even though we are so farking senseless and tupid it was fun..now all i see is..i.......
i really duno was i see now...
i cant open my eyes right now....
lockdown from clubbing and spent excessive $ till after exams thanks
any outings and expensive outing count me out
3weeks from wad the teacher said in the email..it gives a really painful yet powerful impression on me:
Put in your best effort and put away all distraction for these few weeks. Focus on your studies and sacrifice your leisure. Prove to yourself that you can actually achieve more than you can imagine. EVERYONE of us has the potential if only we TRY. Start right NOW before it is too late.
Price of Peace?
Friday, July 27, 2007